Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The Olympian is in my bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
