I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
