Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
