I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
