Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
