somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
