Duck Duck Cougar?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize