you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
