my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
