Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
