there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
