I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
