Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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