you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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