I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
