College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
