When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
