True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
