She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
