My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
