I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
