Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
