I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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