I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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