probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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