I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
