clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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