I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
