I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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