im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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