Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
