He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He has the fingertips of a God
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