i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
