are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
