I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish you could order shots online.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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