My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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