Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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