This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
