I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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