I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
