i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
