Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
