either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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