Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
