I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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