Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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