I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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