I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
