she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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