party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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