ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
