she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
