I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
