It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize