dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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