dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
