my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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