Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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