Dual....:-)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
