I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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