If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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