Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
