I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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