just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
