I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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