went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
