Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
