I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
