if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
