i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Couch. On fire.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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