I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
