We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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