I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
