Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I could fuck to npr.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
