i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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