ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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