I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
