4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
