If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
