***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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