i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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