Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
