Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
