Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
