so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
