I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize