her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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