ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
